AMIR KHUSRAW: THE CLOUD RAINS

Word-for-Word Rendering

We start with the Persian text provided by Wheeler Thackston, {4} for whom the piece 'exhibits his lyric side at its loveliest', And then undertake a word-for-word translation:

Verse Structure

To chase up any missing izâfa, etc. we have to construct the usual metric table. The first line of the poem then runs:

And the metre (for those who wish to know such things) is ramal sâlim makhbûn mahzûf. The exercise allows us to set out the word-for-word rendering as:

1. Cloud raining and I from friend become separated
          how I make heart such a day from in heart separated?
2. Cloud and rain and I and friend stood for farewell
          I separated weeping cloud separated you separated
3. Verdure new risen and passion fresh and garden head green
          nightingale disgraced remained from place separated.
4. From longing of root every hair from tresses of servant/fastening
          how do you from limb to limb the whole all at once separated?
5. Seen that from every you tearfulness becomes O pupil of the eye
          manliness do be not from vision/sight tearfulness separated.
6. Luxury of sight very pride that stayed after such as this
          remained if sight from him ease of vision separated.
7. Eye of hundred chinks for sake of you became as dust
          from liberated accept and make haste chinks vision separated.
8. Remain so soul not go from me although belief is not
          more from that willy nilly garden and guardian separated.
9. Beauty of you long not stand firm if from Khusraw you go
          flower many a long not remain if from thorn separated.

There are still a few conundrums (and no doubt some errors) but the sense can now be set out roughly as:

1. Cloud raining and I from friend become separated,
          how on such a day can heart from heart be separated?
2. Cloud and rain and I and friend are farewell-taking
          I separated, weeping, cloud separated,you separated.
3. The leaves are new risen, passion is fresh, and the garden green:
          (but) nightingale is disgraced and stays from the place separated.
4. In longing from root to tresses is the hair so fastened:
          how can the whole of it at once then be separated?
5. You are held in my tearfulness as the pupil of vision,
          would it manly to be from that tearfulness separated.
6. My pride in so looking that stays on from this
          remains if from luxury of looking I am separated.
7. From you in its hundred conceptions the eye is of dust
          make haste if not from its acceptance to be separated.
8. Whatever you think my soul will not leave
          for all that garden and guardian be separated.
9. Will your beauty last if from Khusraw you go
          more than the flower live long if from its thorn separated.

Fair Copy

Now we turn to the form and ask if we should repeat separated. Annemarie Schimmel avoids doing so with a free verse rendering, beautiful in its way, and many translators would follow. The rules in fact require an aa ba ca etc. rhyme scheme but not the word repetition. Rhyme even has advantages:

The nightingale is gone, disgraced, and in the garden
          now love and freshness are both heavily weighted.

But the effect is not the same. I'd suggest we keep the separated, varying the phrasing so that we have something that is not a typically European, but more shifting and syllable-dependent:

Cloud raining, and I from my friend am separated:
          how can, on such a day, the hearts be so separated?
You and rain and cloud are standing to make farewells
         and I weeping, and you and the rain separated.
Though leaves are new risen, passion is fresh, and the garden green,
          the nightingale is silent, from its sanctuary separated.
As the hair grows, from root to head-top, I am bound in service:
          how can all that longing suddenly be separated?
Let not, when tearfulness holds you in the pupil of vision,
          my eye from that tearfulness be separated.
My pride in observance that stays on from this
          retains its luxury of looking though so separated.
In its hundred conceptions the eye is of dust
          make haste if you'd not from acceptance be separated.
What would you think, that my soul would leave
          with the guardian and garden then so separated?
Nor will your beauty continue if from Khusraw kept
          as a flower from its thorn when so separated.

Difficulties

A few lines are perplexing, notably 5, 6 and 7. Word-for-word, line 5 runs:

Seen that from every you tearfulness becomes O pupil of the eye
          manliness do be not from vision/sight tearfulness separated.

mardumî, not given in Thackston's useful vocabulary, means a host of things: manliness, generosity, courtesy, etc. But the text may simply read mard (man) plus the participle mî (continuing). Only then the hemistich is even more perplexing, with mî not referring to anything. I have avoided the problem with a 'general' interpretation.

Let not, when tearfulness holds you in the pupil of vision,
          my eye from that tearfulness be separated.

Literally, line 6 runs:

Luxury of sight very pride that stayed after such as this
          remained if sight from him ease of vision separated.

In fact the original for 'luxury' and 'ease' is the same — ni'mat — so that the fair copy above:

My pride in so looking that stays on from this
          retains its luxury of looking though so separated.

could also be rendered as:

Whatever of pride or happiness stays on from this
          is retained though the seeing of him is so separated.

But then we have to specify him or her. Ghazals are addressed to a male lover, generally, and that causes problems with a western audience.

Now that puzzling word rakhna in line 7. It means a breach in the wall, a fracture, a notch on a sword or knife, a hole, chink, or window. And paper, according to Steingass. The similar word rakh also means cleft or chink, but adds sigh, grief and disease. More importantly, rukh kardan (and kardan we have in the line, though apparently applying to zud: make haste) means to turn the face towards, to travel to, to come. What then? Experiments with 'windows', 'chinks' and 'crevices' seem not to give acceptable lines, and I have therefore fallen back on 'conceptions', a nondescript expedient. An alternative would be:

For all its hundred notches the eye is of dust
          make haste if you'd not from acceptance be separated.

But 'notch' does not sit happily with 'eye'. We could substitute 'successes', but we are then making a more positive interpretation than seems warranted.

And 'acceptances', where is that in the original?

Eye of hundred chinks for sake of you became as dust
          from liberated accept and make haste chinks vision separated.

I have extended 'accepted' through the hemistich. As before, a general meaning has been hazarded for difficult passages, and that meaning expressed with as many of the original words as possible. A dangerous strategy, of course, but either my basic Persian has missed the meaning, or that meaning is not extractable in any prose sense, when it's the usual word-play of Islamic poetry at work. A. Z. Foreman has helped out, {16} and the line is (rather loosely) translated as:

For you the eye has become as a hundred chinked,
          make haste if you'd not from acceptance be separated.

Notes and References

1. The Great Turk Genius Amir Khusraw and his Accomplishments in Music. N.A. Baloch. Jul. 2005. Muslim Heritage.com. Extended article.

2. Persian and Indo-Persian background material for Urdu literature. Frances Pritchett. Oct. 2005. Short but useful listing of resources.

3. F. Steingass, A Comprehensive Persian-English Dictionary: Being Johnson and Richardson's Persian, Arabic and English dictionary. Revised, enlarged and entirely reconstructed by F. Steingass (Asian Educational Services, 2003).

4. A.K.S. Lambton. Persian Grammar (C.U.P. 1953).

5. Amir Khusrau: Bibliography. References (not online).

6. Digital Dictionaries of South Asia. Steingass online: includes literary Persian and common Arabic words: fascinating but more cumbersome to use.